Sell it All

by Regis Boff

One of America’s most important exports are weapons and their spare parts. We often just give weapons to people who want to kill our enemies ( like the Iran Contra or the drug cartels in Mexico). These generous gifts are always bought with our tax dollars, but we never get a receipt because the deals are labeled Top Secret, ( much like the cash deals you do with your gardener or a Chinese restaurant when the bill is entirely written in Chinese, except the total).

It was announced today that AMC ( think the largest U.S. cinema chain, you know, $15.00 popcorn and drinks too heavy for a burro to carry to your seat) was bought by China. These chuckling money lenders now own 346 multiplex theaters with a total of 5,034 screens. To me, being a little self centered and peculiar, this is a very soothing development because I am forever worried that foreign hegemonies are going to attack us. I am resting very easy now knowing that China would never conspire to blow up it’s own theater chains along with me.

It is astonishing how we have restyled ourselves as a Nation. In the fifties and sixties, had The Union of Soviet Socialist Republic plotted to take over the second great arm of American indoctrination, The Movies, people would have been pulling their own upper lips over their heads for protection. That Walt Disney and Marvel Studios had to talk Beijing into this deal or they would not let us give them our movies for copyright infringement is really, really impressive. Aren’t we the clever bastards?

In exchange for wiping out our National debt, I hear we are going to sell them our public school system.