Tired Wardrobes of Ancient Manhood

by Regis Boff

The Republicans make it virtually unthinkable to like them. The party is so scared witless of disclaiming the tired wardrobes of their ancient manhood that they are impossibly loathsome to most modern human beings. They clutch and kiss the knees of their dogma while deliberately recalling only that the Lord hates abortion. They have long redacted the biblical lines covering charity and forgiveness. They covet their guns but never realize that this embarrassing pining is only masking their own constant cowardices.
They despise homosexuals because their own Gods have made sex repellant and unsatisfactory for them so they feel compelled to intimidate others who might enjoy it in ways that petrify them. They live in a nether world where women have their tongues removed and their wombs anchored to their husband’s fear of infidelity. They are no more racist than any one else in this intolerant country but unlike the Democrats, they have stopped trying to amend themselves. They see a black man in the Presidency as the beginning of the end instead of an end to the old.
We need the Republicans to help right our sinking financial ship. This is what they do well, but we will never again need their appalling baggage of irrational doctrinal feces, so they should purge themselves of it and the sooner the better.