Making Headway on this Diversity Thing

by Regis Boff

I was bunching up the line for homemade rhubarb and cumin pies, at the Farmers Market Wednesday, while explaining to my dear two female friends that I was making real headway on this “diversity” thing. My tactic, I told them, was to invite people of “difference” over to my house for dinner, so we would grow to be more like one another and not so “diverse” anymore.

Well, nothing, it seems, will empty little minds like jealousy. They, in near duet, lorded that I had “diversity” all wrong, and without missing a beat, my first friend meanly offered that I should go on her new diet, which had done wonders for her. This hurt me and made my diversity dinners seem small. My other friend, now hobbled by her own resentment of me and her friend’s new diet, briskly offered that she had eaten nothing but beets for four years and was down a fluctuating twenty pounds. I snidely assured her that I hardly noticed the red stains around her mouth; I paid, and left feeling good and childish.
This was unsettling; I had figured that a winning strategy for this diversity riddle was at hand. I asked my friend P., who is incapable of being unsympathetic, what I was missing here. She softly explained that, “diversity,” means allowing everyone to be unalike without interference or pressure to change, and that my dinners might be construed as urging people to be like you and this just might be against the law.

“ So the aim is to keep people different?” I questioned now crestfallen “Why yes, because different is better.” she offered with a distant smugness, nailing it like an edict on a tree.
Well, knock me over with a feather! Then I remembered a line I never really could figure out, until this moment, “ Let no man’s light be so bright that it casts a shadow on another man’s day.”
I have gone back to the market the last couple of weeks looking for the “beet” woman to apologize for what I said, hoping she was still recognizable after all the hard soap scrubbing, she surely has endured because of me.

Fortunately, the people I had invited to dinner called and canceled. Out of respect, we never rescheduled.