Florida Man Demands Right to Wed Computer

by Regis Boff

The Everest of intellect, in my opinion, is scaled not by convincing others but rather by persuading oneself. I am finding that a lifetime of being argumentative in the extreme has rendered me no longer impressed by my competition. I discovered this while considering the following news article from that country of lemon juice puckered bums in Great Britain. I was persuaded not by the paper or the protagonist’s position but rather by the debate I had with myself. I could win this case.
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From the London Telegraph: Florida man demands right to wed computer

“Chris Sevier, a man from Florida, believes he should be allowed to wed his Macbook.
Mr. Sevier argues that if gays should be allowed to marry, then so should other sexual minorities.
Mr. Sevier states he has fallen in love with a pornography laden computer.
“If gays have the right to “marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object”, he said.
“Allowing my marriage to go forward will not adversely impact the fertility rate any more or less than a same sex couples.
“If there is a risk that is posed to traditional marriage and children, both man-man couples and man-machine couples pose it equally.
“In considering the equal protection clause, there are no fewer policy reasons for preventing man-machine couples from marrying than there are for same-sex couples.”
Mr Sevier cites legal precedents around the world – including a case where a woman married a dolphin and a Chinese man wed a cardboard cutout of himself.