Rock Accountant

Month: June, 2014

Keeping it insane

All churches are insane conglomerations of worshippers who can’t stand one another. d7e5f986-babc-337c-a458-37a980d60181

Why we fight

The principal motive for U.S. wars is to shield the Republican Party from having argue the difficult to defend position that there is a difference between our military and our welfare.

Why we are alive

From the moment we are born we are bombarded by recommendations for products that will make us better. It is no wonder that our own humanity succumbs. It is also why we only feel truly alive when we are shopping.Unknown

I don’t want to come back as a Jew

I am sort of Hindu. I believe I will be reborn as an American so I am careful not to bitch about Mexicans coming across our borders because soon I could be one of them.
I spend a lot of time figuring on what I will be when I do come back, much like the people on Facebook who want information on which U.S. state they most resemble.
I could be a Methodist again although I would not mind a change. We can handle money and I don’t see much point in being reincarnated as a Mexican American if I can’t have any money.
I don’t want to come back as a Jew because they can be psychotic pains in the ass but because my only love is a Jew I will want to start looking for her immediately following rebirth so being one might help, ( they can be particular).
I will want to have the options that Catholics have, with all that confessional shit. I don’t believe in guilt right now, but there is no telling what my new Mexican parents might make me believe. Besides their girls are repressed and totally hot, (my favorite alloy).
I will want to behave the way Baptist black people do in church with all that dancing and singing, so being one of them would be my second or third choice. I grew up with heavy wool suits in church on hot Sunday mornings so that is out.
If given a choice I will refuse to be a Muslim even if they do know the one true God. Hard to say why exactly but it must have to do with suffering before you can be loved. That has to be bullshit.
I want to be a Buddhist when I get old. They can still laugh, even then.
So I guess that is my wish list. A Mexican with money, a hot neurotic wife, a quick way to chuck out guilt, no one true God who punishes me, no fucking wool suits, loads of dancing and singing, and of course laughing as I go through the door into something new.

Soccer should reqiure biting.

Soccer should reqiure biting.
First of all, no truly industrialized country is good at soccer. Industry always requires hands.
I defy anyone to show me a soccer rule that prohibits biting. In successful soccer countries, teeth are the only instruments above the waist that are both permitted and require any dexterity.
This poor boy from Uruguay is doing what those first fucking amphibians did when they pulled themselves out of that primordial ooze to walk upright on the coast of somewhere, a couple of billion years ago.
Mr. Suarez was expanding his game no differently than those first industrialized apes did when they hammered out the pipes for running water.images dog

Wishing our kids into dreams

I had dreams that the black kids did not,
I would have had more than I did
But my parents knew that dreams were wasteful.
The black parents thought dreams were dangerous.
I guess because they had never seen even one that came true
My parent’s dreams, if they had them at all, slowly starved.
The black kid’s parent’s dreams remained stillborn.
We have made our children obese with dreams,
Maybe black parents have too, I wouldn’t know for sure.
Are dreams worth the disappointment
Of them not coming true?
Perhaps parent’s wishes become their children’s dreams.
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Picking who you want on your side

It is interesting that NBA stars are now beginning to create the teams they want. When we were kids, the best two kids would always choose their teams by taking turns picking from everyone until each had five. The worst kids would, of course, not be picked. The third team would be made up of kids that were not yet chosen and so on . On top of that, we played that the winner of each game stayed on, so one team might win for hours before having to sit. I don’t know how the kids do it today.

Homosexuality can not be created nor destroyed

Homosexuality can not be created nor destroyed, but it can be handsomely augmented by playing soccer.

Life is simple

Women are gaining control in America not because they are inherently more or less superior to men but because they are influenced by a greater variety of products and are therefore more valuable to advertisers. The limits of men’s interests are capped by the number of their fingers and toes. Women, because they are nearly always either shopping or talking are easily and happily persuaded by ad campaigns. When men controlled purchasing they ruled, now women do.Life is simple.

The Coming Influx of Dead Believers

Things are settling in nicely now that Mr. Obama’s handwritten invitations have finally been sent out to every Spanish speaking person south of Des Moines to come live with us. The crucial suites of animosities are nearly in place for the eagerly anticipated, “Religious World Cup” in twenty years or so.
Allah and Christ have been training for this one for over two thousand years and each side is loudly bellyaching about all the delays. Can we really blame them folks? After all the “One True God” trophy is in the balance.
We are very motivated over here in the Western Hemisphere now that the North, Central, and South Americas are just a few decades away from being completely Spanish speaking and much more importantly devotedly Catholic.
Heaven is letting out its trousers for the influx of dead believers. Allah’s followers have already begun blowing themselves up with their characteristic bad timing. Germany has moved it’s agnostics to Iceland and the Democrats and their media are rushing into Manitoba, Canada trying to unionize the moose while consolidating their final arguments on global warming. This is going to be great!

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