Getting whacked for baffling reasons

by Regis Boff

Getting whacked for baffling reasons is all that people expected from their rulers until America showed up just recently. Kings or Queens, Czars, Potentates (my personal favorite), Emperors, or “Gods on Earth” have murderously reigned almost exclusively since the beginning of time. Only the United States and Canada have escaped this arbitrary and melancholy circumstance. Canada is included in this short list due to their very high voting population of moose.
England is a country that has been forever ruled by face cards. Europe, of course, loves this category too but will often opt for the occasional “God on Earth” sovereign because their foolish population continuously mistakes idiocy with being stylish. Russia prefers “Czars” because the word “Czar” essentially means repeatable and indiscriminate mass slaughter. Their citizens enjoy this pattern because death, as any Russian will tell you, is better than the cold and the beets. A Potentate rules in that dusty area that takes up all the space above Africa and all else other than Europe until you hit Russia.
Emperors and “Gods on Earth” although best epitomized by Orientals still have to compete with those bothersome Europeans who insist on making cameos that coincide with their new inventions like the guillotine.
Then there are the Americans. They are entirely a different matter. They began with a King as well but that lasted only about twenty minutes because fighting in white wigs was too difficult for the king’s army when facing an utterly armed population. They set a new limbo stick for freedom, the four-year Presidency. This made ridicule a pastime instead of fearful conformity. These Presidents could not just show up at your door and cut off one of your body parts. In order to do that a vote would be needed. This changed the equation of tyranny entirely, now everyone thought himself or herself a King. This charming little advancement took the chance out of poor leadership. It guaranteed it.