I don’t want to come back as a Jew

by Regis Boff

I am sort of Hindu. I believe I will be reborn as an American so I am careful not to bitch about Mexicans coming across our borders because soon I could be one of them.
I spend a lot of time figuring on what I will be when I do come back, much like the people on Facebook who want information on which U.S. state they most resemble.
I could be a Methodist again although I would not mind a change. We can handle money and I don’t see much point in being reincarnated as a Mexican American if I can’t have any money.
I don’t want to come back as a Jew because they can be psychotic pains in the ass but because my only love is a Jew I will want to start looking for her immediately following rebirth so being one might help, ( they can be particular).
I will want to have the options that Catholics have, with all that confessional shit. I don’t believe in guilt right now, but there is no telling what my new Mexican parents might make me believe. Besides their girls are repressed and totally hot, (my favorite alloy).
I will want to behave the way Baptist black people do in church with all that dancing and singing, so being one of them would be my second or third choice. I grew up with heavy wool suits in church on hot Sunday mornings so that is out.
If given a choice I will refuse to be a Muslim even if they do know the one true God. Hard to say why exactly but it must have to do with suffering before you can be loved. That has to be bullshit.
I want to be a Buddhist when I get old. They can still laugh, even then.
So I guess that is my wish list. A Mexican with money, a hot neurotic wife, a quick way to chuck out guilt, no one true God who punishes me, no fucking wool suits, loads of dancing and singing, and of course laughing as I go through the door into something new.