A Time to Be Gay

by Regis Boff

The world would be far better off if everyone was gay.
When I grew up I was afraid of nuclear war and now I bet you could not find a child that has had a nuclear nightmare in the last twenty-five years. Some would say this is progress. Maybe, but it is a little lackluster as well.
I suppose global warming or “colding” (I nearly always forget which we are most afraid of) is the flavor terror of today’s child or maybe it is “fracking, “ that has a scary name. Certainly bullying when it occurs is scary. I missed how bullying became a group activity though. We used to experience that individually.
We all reckoned in the fifties and sixties that overpopulation would get us. I still do. But nobody talks about that anymore either I guess it has been concluded that bearing too many children would be more difficult to stop than changing global atmospherics, go figure.
Personally, I can’t think of a problem that would not be fixed if we were all gay. I am sure some actors would complain that they no longer would have anything to hide and the “left” would loose a signature issue certainly, but then again there would be a whole lot of morons who would have no one to beat up.
Some of our greatest minds have contended that with the right kind of training a gay person can be made straight again. If that were the case then making everyone gay should be a walk in the park and as a bonus, we would save the planet.