January 1

by Regis Boff

Mr. Obama has stumbled nicely going over his finish line.
I like his “let ’em all in” policy because it is rational. Immigrants are always like overweight Aunts sleeping in your living room; you get accustomed to them quickly and soon after you can’t imagine life without them.
Being friends with Cuba is a sound idea as well. It helps baseball.
The entire world will change with the US having its own a fuel supply; it is a good thing. Fracking is a better scheme than war. It will return terrorists to the desert and make everyone else our friends again.
Mr. Obama’s most persuasive message to black people was, “You are on your own.” That is not a bad thing. It simply destroyed the false hope of government. It was necessary.
The massive protests are saying much, and they are very effective. We should be afraid of being prejudiced. It is the only thing that works.
Hacking is a blessing. It is pulling the beautiful mask off the ugly faces of movie stars and corporate powerbrokers. Our society has been sleeping with hideous women that we have drunkenly picked up in bars for too long. It is time to go home to the ordinary wife.
Women are still coming along nicely. Men are lurching towards a happy end. We will retain the NFL in a softened form. It is our reward for maintaining civilization for all this time. We can only hope they will be nicer to us than we were to them.
Being liberal or being conservative will, of course, continue to be our national game of Frogger. It is our most essential mechanism for quietly loathing our neighbors. It is vital to think we make a difference.
America is an odd country. It periodically stumbles and flattens everyone else; this is precisely why I love her so.