Bring On The Climate Change

by Regis Boff

What if climate change is just what we need?

Maybe the poor will prosper from weather adjustments that render deserts moist while creating vast new rain forests on top of Peking.
What if all the rich bastards get flooded out of their beach homes on Long Island and Malibu because the oceans overrun them? Doesn’t bother me and I am certain fish will be pleased.
What if the heartland of the U.S. becomes a dust bowl, forcing the people who live there to take photos of gay wedding ceremonies just to survive?

Imagine a world where the Earth’s temperature is uniformly conducive for growing kale. Picture waterproof Apple iPhones invented to combat thirty-six hour rains.
Who decided that Global warming must be all bad? The same people who are now working at break neck speeds to make us admire Hillary Clinton, our goofy media.

In the course of my lifetime, I have been persuaded that other races are my equal. That women deserve the vote. That sexuality is the only important activity in the human glossary of petty interests and that randomly blowing up innocents is the fault of Monsanto and Dick Cheney. Why is it so hard for them to make me happy about a change that will take ten thousand years for me to even notice? C’mon guys throw me a bone here.

If molding me into this kind of stupor means anything, then surely it indicates that I can handle a couple of degrees Fahrenheit shift here or there.