Rock Accountant

Month: July, 2015

Trapped in Each Other’s Genitals

Candidly, I wasn’t sitting around feeling sorry for gays and lesbians before it was brought home to me that our government was mean to them. Now that I get it I come easily on board with marriages and Vanity Fair covers.

On the other hand, I selfishly don’t want my ideas on homosexuality to change. I have numerous socially unacceptable, but altogether exemplary reasons for my condition and I will, at some risk, try to explain some of them.

I have  to my satisfaction resolved that only gay men can be genuinely kind and talented. Heterosexual men can be either one or the other, but never at the same time.

Women, on the other hand, all come with saddlebags of kindness. I think of it this way because it is a strain to carry unselfishness unavoidably throughout your life. This condition feeds seamlessly into my perverse conclusion that most women, over a certain age, and particularly if they have had more than three children, are lesbians.

History has spent much of its time beating this recognition out of women, so most who read this will be too frightened to agree, but it is so. Women never allow silence to invade their relationships with other women because it would remind them of men, and this, they somehow understand, would lead to a kiss in exactly the same way it often does with a man.

Men seldom communicate with each other unless the subject is really big, like the universe or the Pittsburgh Steelers. Women have no big subjects. Women are not philosophers. This fact has always confounded me because I know a very reasonable hypothesis is somehow hidden in it. It might be that women are by nature, simply trivial. It is, however, certainly plausible that all philosophy is bullshit. This is just one of the open questions in my life.

This “trapped” business of genders often leads me to some very dangerous contentions. I have carelessly, for instance, formulated that every great female artist most likely is only a man confined accidentally in a female. Conversely, or just perhaps, all art might be the female essence enduring happily inside gay men. The mind boggles.

'So i thought, hey, what the heck, IT'S my life, who CARES what other people think. I'VE always known i was a car trapped in a man's body...i had the operation. NOW, i couldn't be any happier!'

Ms. Jenner


I am not at all certain that Ms. Jenner’s life is the study in courage that the media and the Arthur Ash Espy award seems to think it was. Her life as a man was a juggernaut of success. Her new life as a woman is seemingly going to be just as successful and she seems to be enjoying it immensely. I miss where courage was so necessary in her case unless it was demonstrated by her willingness to stay silent for the sake of her six children by three marriages. She is not a woman who has lacked the strength to accomplish.

From “On Kindness”

Today it is only between parents and children that kindness is expected, sanctioned, and indeed obligatory… Kindness – that is, the ability to bear the vulnerability of others, and therefore of oneself – has become a sign of weakness (except of course among saintly people, in whom it is a sign of their exceptionality)… All compassion is self-pity, D. H. Lawrence remarked, and this usefully formulates the widespread modern suspicion of kindness: that it is either a higher form of selfishness (the kind that is morally triumphant and secretly exploitative) or the lowest form of weakness (kindness is the way the weak control the strong, the kind are only kind because they haven’t got the guts to be anything else). If we think of humans as essentially competitive, and therefore triumphalist by inclination, as we are encouraged to do, then kindness looks distinctly old-fashioned, indeed nostalgic, a vestige from a time when we could recognize ourselves in each other and feel sympathetic because of our kind-ness… And what, after all, can kindness help us win, except moral approval; or possibly not even that, in a society where “respect” for personal status has become a leading value.   From the book “On Book”

I Am Ashamed to Say

I am dazzled by my country’s focus on sex. When I was a kid, we did not even suspect that out of control fornication was possible.

Girls protected their body parts like scientists entering Eboli infected villages while us boys snuck peeks under frilly canopies rendering ourselves dizzy with  theft and its companion, guilt.

There are more filthy things available in sexuality than I ever imagined growing up. I am ashamed to say this exhilarates me.

I have, of course, the advantage of being brought up a Methodist. We believed sex in all its forms was bad, one variety not substantially more wicked than any another. I was raised so closed minded that I am singularly free of discrimination on this subject today. To me, everyone is going to Hell, if God is real, that is. If He is not, well, close the blinds and take your clothes off, I say.

Heterosexuality could benefit from an enforced moratorium in my opinion. We are up to our pelvises with too many children.

Homosexuality causes no one any problems so perhaps the over breeders will switch over in time to save the planet.
I am learning both the vocabulary and the potentialities of what we can do to each other with our organs on TV. I am kept busy with this. I want to catch up so my wife is not embarrassed by me at dinner parties.


John Steinbeck

Nobel laureate John Steinbeck (February 27, 1902–December 20, 1968) might be best-known as the author of East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, and Of Mice and Men, but he was also a prolific letter-writer.Steinbeck: A Life in Letters constructs an alternative biography of the iconic author through some 850 of his most thoughtful, witty, honest, opinionated, vulnerable, and revealing letters to family, friends, his editor, and a circle of equally well-known and influential public figures.

Among his correspondence is this beautiful response to his eldest son Thom’s 1958 letter, in which the teenage boy confesses to have fallen desperately in love with a girl named Susan while at boarding school. Steinbeck’s words of wisdom — tender, optimistic, timeless, infinitely sagacious — should be etched onto the heart and mind of every living, breathing human being.

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.



A Wonderful Little Poem


With or Without you

Wisdom is disappointing because you simply can’t catch up to it. It feels like the learning curve you undergo when you raise a child closely, as mothers do. You don’t ever  get better at it because the moment you do, your child moves on, always growing.
Wisdom is a fast moving train that makes no stops. You can only breathe it in as it goes by you.Then it  moves on to it’s next, with or without you.


%d bloggers like this: