Guns,Viagra, and Pulverized Squirrels

by Regis Boff

The sale of any gun should be unlawful. All weapons must be made obtainable for free and dispensed like methadone at designated shops at convenient locations across America.
Nothing will dampen the quantity and violence of guns faster than making them available without cost. Big guns are a status symbol to the lawful just like big houses. Few people need huge houses, so they mostly go unused. Everybody eventually downsizes.
Trying to make guns illegal is stupid. It is never going to happen.
Here’s a ridiculous example. Drug companies would love to make Viagra use mandatory. But lawmakers, in their wisdom, realized that a nation of males, running around with fifty-two-hour erections inevitably would result in crazed rape or even worse a country brimming with Bill Cosby’s.
It would mean that eventually the only gun violence would come from drug dealers and folks who simply can’t get enough of exploding squirrels. Then all we have to do is legalized drugs and increase the punishment for pulverizing squirrels. Tidy.