Trump and Bernie

by Regis Boff

I don’t like any candidate except Trump. I can’t help but like Bernie too, but he represents silly ideas that have been proven disastrous for nearly a hundred and fifty years when applied. He continues to gain favor because of his implied goodness but Americans have very little patience for decency.

I like Trump because he and people like him have vigorously raped the entire world on my behalf since we formed ourselves into a loose confederation of arguing states.

Ultimately this led directly to my having a fancy car. I can forgive women for voting for Bernie, not because they are intrinsically nicer than men, but because they simply are not so preoccupied with automobiles.