Women are the Problem
by Regis Boff
Women are the problem. I have been stewing all day about that snake incident in Eden.
Eve and that Serpent were right. God and Adam were largely full of shit. After all, what kind of Deity forbids a woman from doing anything. First, he puts her in the Garden of Eden, then threatens her about not eating the centerpiece fruit of an apple tree. Holy hamsters!, How dumb could you be? I can’t stop my wife from eating the top layer, and best-buttered, of my popcorn before the movie even starts.
What exactly was God’s point insisting on this Jeopardy clue about an apple?
Remember this was even before He invented apple worms.
Granted this was God’s first shot at creating a universe, and fucking Adam had landed out of nowhere, by himself, with no real-time life experience at all. This blockhead wasn’t sure he was even naked until Eve show up, and he got a hard-on. On top of that, our hapless deity had forgotten to pack an extra rib in His toolbox.
God of course, in his infinite pettiness, got all over Adam’s shit about the whole episode and Adam picked up from there and laid guilt on Eve like linoleum for the next ten-thousand tears.
But of course, women are the problem.