The Pig Joke
By Regis Boff
Pigs are convincing evidence that humans do not care about the feelings of food if it tastes good.
What follows is a joke which is more than what is seems. I first heard it when I was maybe nine or ten years old. I have never heard it told again by anyone but me for sixty years. I memorized it and have used it at dinner parties to woo bright women who possess a sense of humor. When I was young, it did not matter so much their intelligence. That took time.
A guy is walking on a country road and comes to a farm house. On the porch sits a farmer. Next to him, relaxes a pig. The farmer has his arm over the pig’s shoulder. They are looking at a book. The pig snuggles tightly next to him with his snout in the farmer’s lap, listening to him read. The pig has a wooden leg.
Unable to control his curiosity, the traveler asks the farmer how this pig came by such a leg.
The homeowner tells him this pig saved his life a couple of times pointing to a burned section of the farmhouse.
“My wife and I got trapped in our bedroom as the flames headed toward us. We figured it was over. Suddenly, this pig, ( he hugs the creature as he speaks), rushes through the flames and leads us out.
The traveler, let it be safely said, was astonished, and wanted to understand more clearly of course, “How was this pig able to run to you with such a mangled leg?”
“No, no,” the farmer emphasized, “ he didn’t hurt his leg at all.”
The storyteller, warming to his tale continued, “ But you know the damnedest thing happened after that. I was fishing in my boat, and this terrible rain and wind knocked me right off and into the water. Now I ain’t never been much a swimmer, and I was making a ruckus, when this pig arrived at the shore, jumped into the water, and swam back with me, my collar in his mouth.”
The farmer sat silently for a minute or two after watching ahead of him like country people are moved to do.
The traveler respected the quiet but soon could not contain his prying. He said to the farmer, “You know you never told me how this pig got that wooden leg.”
The farmer looked at him with a kind of an odd condescension. He answered,
“ You know son; you just can’t eat a pig like this all at once.”