The Buddha Needed a Burger

by Regis Boff

The Buddha needed a burger.
He felt bad for wanting it, what with his having rejected the physical universe and all, but he was always the kid who ate when he was sad.
It was the run-in with that skinny little girl. She pointed at him in front of everyone during his levitation and screeched, “Momma, why is the Gautama Buddha so fat?
The teacher said it was bad to be fat.”
“Fat, she thinks I’m fat?” he said, to his mind’s eye that was orbiting Neptune.
Cracking his flawless eyelids, Siddhartha peeked at his huge stomach.
Predictably as wisdom follows knowledge and perception displaces misery, he got hungry.
Reaching under his robe for ketchup, He drifted, with a big smile, back into Enlightenment.