Rock Accountant

Month: April, 2018

I wonder if it suspects?

Facebook spits up my memories
every week or so.
I edit the ones I remember.
I send them back to my page.
Then I pretend my life is fresh.
I wonder if it suspects?

PUBLISHED: March 30, 2017
FILED UNDER: Unnoticed in Clever Worlds

What do gay men call their cars?

Guys can get through life with one best friend and a mechanic. A woman can’t be a man’s best friend and neither can a dog. If this reality ruffles women and disappoints dogs, well, they both need to hang their hopes elsewhere.
We men wish women were more like our cars. We hint at this by always referring to them as “she” and with compliments like ” isn’t she a beauty”?
I wonder how gay men handle this? I will check Car and Driver Magazine for clarification.
My dad did not load me with advice, but he made this life detail to me often and strictly as I grew up. “At fifty-thousand miles, trade your car in for a new one,” He would then follow with this, his only cynicism,” “Manufacturers build ruin into machines.”
We boys of the fifties and sixties had warnings of “planned obsolescence,” stuffed into our nervous systems by our fathers.
It led inexorably to the high divorce rate of that era. We naturally applied the laws of our cars to our women.
Nobody ever explained the difference to us.
Cars and marriages are not complicated if you understand their warranties. At 50,000 miles, you need to find a good mechanic if you want to keep a car.
After 20 years of wedlock, you need to call on the humor that only the two of you can understand if you want it to stay together.



Growing up hard with chickens

As you can see I grew up tough. Even my chicken was on parole.


On Immigration

Accommodating an influx of new people is easy if you remind yourself how much you despise the people who are already here.

In the 1920s it was fashionable to use nonsense terms to denote excellence – ‘the snake’s hips’, ‘the kipper’s knickers’, ‘the cat’s pyjamas/whiskers’, ‘the monkey’s eyebrows’ and so on. Of these, the bee’s knees and the cat’s whiskers are the only ones to have stood the test of time.

The Who’s John Entwistle

He needed a drink before I told him how much Keith Moon had cost him in hotel damages the night before. Regis Boff


I Live in Irvington NY

The thing about a circle is that until it collides with its beginning, it appears like it is going someplace.
We calculated twenty odd years ago that our children would be better off in a place like Nebraska. They could shuffle about in rags with rods of hay dangling from their little mouths instead of growing up in Manhatten wearing ankle monitors. Our crises would morph into navigating ” bad signs” like our oldest blurting out swear words similar to “Oh Shucks” after our worthless hound dog stole his ice cream cone. That’s when we found Irvington, NY.
We are all party to this conceit no matter how our money muddies the fantasy. I endorse the mannerisms of modesty over all other affectations though it is a hurdle to pull off when I ride in my snowblower or buy that donated used Van Gogh at the school auction.
Fortunately, kids are like flowers. They seem to thrive no matter how expensive the soil you put them in.
We are closing our circle now; our kids have grown, and we watch steady streams of new illusion seekers arrive in their BMW station wagons and their penchants for even more strict safety signs.
I suppose if I was a man of reflection I might get bogged down in the oddity of my mimicking a life beneath my circumstance. But in the end, I would prefer to be a hypocrite in Irvington than anywhere else, including Shangri-La, Nebraska.

Author Unknown

Emily Yoshida: “Who is Angelina Jolie, Mama?” the 8-year-old child will ask with wide, wondering eyes as mother and daughter settle in for a Sunday matinee of Maleficent.
“Well, sweetie, long ago, there was a beautiful Hollywood princess in love with a handsome Hollywood prince. Together they escaped from the prince’s tyrannical wife, Jennifer of the Valley of Eternal Sighs, and rode off to the mythical realm of Africa, where they traveled through the countryside collecting children to take back to their beautiful castle by the sea. Meanwhile, Jennifer of the Valley of Eternal Sighs’s overwhelming sadness corrupted her soul, and she became a witch. She put a curse on the princess, placing her career in a seven-year slumber, which she would eventually wake from to find that she, too, had become a witch. And Jennifer used that time to Just Go With It and land endorsements with both Smartwater and Aveeno.”
“And what’s the moral of the story, Mama?”
“All princesses eventually become witches. And Aveeno’s Natural Shiitake Complex is a great, natural way to slow the aging process.” Author Unknown

What laughter can do

The child to touch is the one who never laughs.
The child to kiss is the one dreads it most.
The child to hug is the one
with their arms wrapped around themselves.
When they think they are alone.

Laughter is greater than love.
It is the first notice of a new spring.
Laughing together is a circle
that shuts you in
if you step into it.
Laughter is the sound pain listens for.

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