by Regis Boff
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country,
and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country
but don’t really understand The New York Times.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country,
if they could find the time, and wouldn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running
the country, and don’ t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who is running the country
as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison and used to run the
state, and would like to do so again, as would their constituents who are
currently free on bail.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country,
but need the baseball scores.
11. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure if there is
a country, or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for.
12. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
13. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish
and need something to wrap it in.