by Regis Boff
Emily Yoshida: “Who is Angelina Jolie, Mama?” the 8-year-old child will ask with wide, wondering eyes as mother and daughter settle in for a Sunday matinee of Maleficent.
“Well, sweetie, long ago, there was a beautiful Hollywood princess in love with a handsome Hollywood prince. Together they escaped from the prince’s tyrannical wife, Jennifer of the Valley of Eternal Sighs, and rode off to the mythical realm of Africa, where they traveled through the countryside collecting children to take back to their beautiful castle by the sea. Meanwhile, Jennifer of the Valley of Eternal Sighs’s overwhelming sadness corrupted her soul, and she became a witch. She put a curse on the princess, placing her career in a seven-year slumber, which she would eventually wake from to find that she, too, had become a witch. And Jennifer used that time to Just Go With It and land endorsements with both Smartwater and Aveeno.”
“And what’s the moral of the story, Mama?”
“All princesses eventually become witches. And Aveeno’s Natural Shiitake Complex is a great, natural way to slow the aging process.” Author Unknown