Rock Accountant

Month: July, 2018

How to get dinner

I told my wife tonight that the only thing I ever bought just to look at was her.

She made me dinner.Dinner - Wikipedia

Fire engines and apologies

I am a burner. In these times of ever-encroaching global climate catastrophe, we need to return to the age of autumn leaf burning. As a boy, I would watch transfixed as mammoth piles of gathered leaves flamed out of control in our neighborhood. Grown men, whimpering involuntarily, frantically tried to beat back the perimeter of their crazily windblown pyres with wooden rakes in pitiable attempts to slow the wildfires they had deliberately set. In my experience, nothing draws a community together like one neighbor burning down the house of another. Saturdays in our little community, many times turned into picnics with fire engines and apologies.
I live now, in the self-proclaimed epicenter of tree populations, at least on the Eastern seaboard. On any given day you might run across an Ent mumbling about never having heard about a Hobbit. The old autumnal dance of leaf cleansing is still a pastime but burning them is forbidden now. We are expected to buy special bags to put our leaves in, to be later carried away by our public municipal workers to some unverified town leaf gulag. I find the rules governing the gathering of my leaves daunting and just a little fear-provoking, and I suspect (knowing my neighbors reasonably well) that I am not alone. I am beginning to get the feeling that my government is turning me into a kind of environmental janitor. Trying to rid my property of leaves is a little like tropical fish in an aquarium trying to spit water out of their tank. I understand that there are enormous industries and political positions built around this leaf thing and more is required of us all, but I feel the unpleasant winds of dictatorial social conscience heading in my direction and I don’t play well with people who know what is best for me.
This is a civil quarrel that I am ready for. If global warming is a fact, then what better tactic to employ than a massive ring of leaf soot surrounding our planet, blocking out the sun, forcing our temperatures to nosedive? This is nifty and well rounded, as solutions go. Got a match?

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I don’t matter

There has never been a greater urgency for us to recognize that what we think is unimportant.

Chatsworth Consulting Group | What really matters in this ...

What men do

Men fight wars, watch sports and doggedly pursue a wildly adjustable standard of beauty that is grounded entirely on availability.

Factory Clean

We bought a new car.
I go to the garage just to look at it.
Men do this kind of shit.
I don’t need to drive it.
It is enough it is there
and still factory clean.
Two days ago our power went out.
The electrician rewired our house leaving a giant, gleaming
fuse box in the garage.
Now I go to look at that.
While it is factory clean

Fuse Boxes - Are They Safe?

I am a Rock and Roller

Out of college, I tour managed a band called Genesis in the US, Europe, and Canada, doing hundreds of shows. Nobody had any money. We were the same age. Their kids came too.
I wasn’t good at the job, and they knew it, but I was considerably more than they could ever get at the price. Besides, we became friends, so they were fucked too.
I never forgave one of the band for hesitating to take my side after I knocked out our sound engineer with a beautiful punch before a show in Europe. It lifted him an inch off the ground. We lost the show. The engineer was the only one who understood how to plug all the shit in.
In time I got even for this disloyalty. I have a cold spot.
I belonged nowhere else except with them and was left at a loss when they needed to record a new album. I just traveled by myself, did drugs, and waited until they went out again.
Their manager would phone me wherever I was on landlines from England to play me tracks as they were writing. We shared a time.

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“The Who” in Heaven

I keep expecting to get a bill from heaven because of all the damage Keith Moon is doing.

To forgive is canine

By the look on my dog’s face, rain is not something he is willing to forgive.

When Summers End...

The Best Advice I was Ever Given

I learned to play chess as a freshman in university. I hadn’t been exposed to this endlessly fascinating game.

I got caught up in it, sometimes spending hours at a time investigating games that had been played hundreds of years ago.
I majored in religions. When I coupled that with psychedelic drugs, all  my youthful quasi-academic explorations for Truth were satisfied once and for all.
The old guy who taught me how to play offered this wisdom.  It was the singular piece of help I was ever given. He said,” Play against the game, never an opponent, because chess, like life, is perfect once you see it.

EGYPTIAN chess set 17" CASTLE Board EGYPT | eBay

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