Rock Accountant

Month: January, 2019

Anton Johansson (1858 – 1909) and Tony Romo

We live in times that suggest that it takes a fool to admit he is one. I was wrong about Tony Romo. Mind you; I still detest that he strives to predict every coming play in a football game because I never want to know what is going to happen. My wife and most of America feel otherwise. I don’t get them.
I included Anton here as an example of another annoying predictor I am glad I never knew personally. Regis Boff


Known affectionately as the Christian Seer of Finnmark, Anton Johansson of Sweden is famous for the prediction of the sinking of Titanic. He also predicted the First World War in Central Europe, the Russian Revolution, the defeat of Germany in the First and the Second Wars. As an old man, Johansson was highly obsessed with what he termed a Third World War. He stated it would break out at “the end of July, beginning of August, I do not know the year,” but went on to detail a Russian invasion of Europe and the Middle East.


I bought my first cane. Old age brings with it a lessening of pride, at least it has for me. It has made me nearly invulnerable.
I have become an opportunity for those around me to be kind. It’s my new hobby. I can feel their sympathy like breezes.
The world would be a better place if we all had canes. Pain is easier to see with props.

Stealing your kid’s food

I feel safer around people who believe in a God, and any deity is OK with me as long as It is unreasonably stern. Elastic deities are too convenient for me. I like the lightning bolts, frogs, and salted inlaws types. They keep the real lousy next-door-neighbor in check.

Morality does not spontaneously spring from inside us as they teach it in colleges. Humans can’t be trusted to do the right thing without divine policing — a sad but unarguable truth.
Any goodwill our species accomplishes has been under development since the first apes whistled.
People never recognize how many Gods, over thousands of years, it has taken to prevent modern-day fathers from stealing food from their children. Thieving your kid’s Fruit Loops is, of course, no “Rape of the Sabines,” but without divine discipline, peaking on the horizon, the practice would be rampant.


Why are all barbers Italian?

You will notice that this sign, posted in my childhood barbershop, is the official one and that this barber specialized in cutting hair “correctly”, and “The way you like it”.
Hidden inside these haircut names are the formulas for what made American men the “best”. These were cuts for invading other nations, stripping the poor away from their self-respect, and, it goes without saying, only for white men. This barber knew there wasn’t room inside a football helmet for long hairs, cut out messages for your mother or Afros. No one knew why all the barbers back then were Italian but we had suspicions. by Regis Boff


Let them eat Education

There is a glaringly uneven and racist distribution of concussions going on in America. Black students are lured to the college football plantation under the pretense of a free education while white kids protect themselves from skull fractures simply by paying their way out.
It is the Vietnam War playing itself out again on African Americans only, this time, it’s on the gridiron. These universities have more than enough money to give scholarships to needy students without demanding they earn it in their stadiums. But they love money. They need to gain tenure. How else can the NFL survive?
There is an undeniable parallel between the percentage of blacks in prison and the players in the NFL. I’ll bet though I am not certain the same holds true for our armed services. Three doors, concussion, prison, or battle. It’s great not to be black.

Dopey Shits

We can’t hold two big silly ideas in our heads at the same time. Those of us who believe in God rarely sweat the coming apocalypse of global warming. On the other paw, people who wake up every morning and tune into the Weather channel like it is the third book of Revelations are never concerned with debts to any deity.
That said, those dopey shits who predicted massive snow in Westchester should be crucified.


Women are now safer

The modern prohibitions placed on bullies has led to the unexpected consequence of a decline in the number of heroes. Women, however, can take solace from Gillette’s campaign to keep us hairless. Just another tidy solution from our corporate overseers.

No meat Rock and Roll

I have worked with and for vegetarians. They are not better people. They are easily confused by implications like leather belts and shoes. When touring they grow weak on midwest legs of rock and roll tours in America because they can’t find anything to eat but mutton, gizzards, and rhubarb. They can not play Germany, ( 1976 ) Regis Boff


Why Mexico will pay for the Wall.

The infiltration or confiscation of adjacent lands has until lately been called war. Now it is evolving into something entirely bizarre. Historically a nation state would say, ” Hey, Joe’s property is kinda of nice, let’s use our armies and take it. Sure, we will have to kill all the Joe’s living there but so what, who gives a shit, after all, they are Joes?”
Mexico and Syria are the new alternatives to this routine. Peoples are entering other people’s homes in masses so overwhelming that slaughtering them is improbable. They are like a pair of fat Aunts who decide without an invitation to come live with you, and they both play the tuba.
Personally, I have never recognized Mexico’s right to exist. I can’t guess why we didn’t impound it right after we stole Texas. Maybe we simply did not have the foresight to recognize how much we would like marihuana.
Trump has it right when he says Mexico will pay for a wall. It will want to pay for it. A barricade is the only way that country can define its existence. All Mexico’s genuinely good people are coming here. A few horses, drug kings, corrupt politicians, and prostitutes are all that will be left.
Inevitably we will legalize drugs after it becomes unavoidably apparent that every black person in America is in prison, and then Mexico will just disappear.
Trump, by then, will have finished his terms in office and will spend his twilight years building hotels where once there was a country called Mexico. Tidy.

Keith Moon’s Last Tour

By Keith Moon’s last tour he was nearly completely gaffer taped on stage. His headset, sticks, and shoes were taped hard fast. His ass was practically nailed to his stool with roadies positioned on both sides of him in case he broke free and fell.
We never knew if he would finish a show and I was demanding all the money I could carry in cash up front in case we forfeited a show. Guys with shotguns were positioned in the box office to follow the money backstage while I counted it.


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