Rock Accountant

Month: February, 2020

Your father will be home soon

Mom, why are we at home?
Do we have to stay in the living room?
“Your father will be home soon.”
Why haven’t you started dinner?
It’s dinnertime. We should be ready for dad.
Why are the groceries
still in the bags?
“Father will be home soon.
We’ll make dinner when he comes.
Once he is here.
He’ll decide where we’ll eat.”
Can’t we go out and play?
Why are you wearing your coat?
And your hat?
“Your father will be home soon.
And we will be here to greet him.
We might go out to eat.
He will have ideas about where to go.
He will have presents for you,
and we will be ready.”
Why are grandma and grandpa at the door?
Why is grandpa wearing a suit?
Why is grandma wearing her fancy dress?
And her necklace?
They have suitcases.
“Your father will be home soon,
And he loves to see grandma and grandpa.
Maybe they will come to dinner.
Father might want us to get dressed up
They might stay over for a while.”
Why is grandma wiping her eyes?
Why do our neighbors keep coming to the door?
Why are they bringing food
if we are going out to eat?
“Your father will be home soon.”
The neighbors don’t know father will be home.
The man on the phone
said father wouldn’t be home.
The neighbors are say
father will not be coming home.
Mom, What’s going to happen to us?
Mom? Mom?
“Your father will be home soon
Your father will be back soon.”


PUBLISHED: February 26, 2017
FILED UNDER: Unnoticed in Clever Worlds

Entertainment sex

Music business sex and movie business sex are different at their cores.
Nobody fucks anybody in the music industry to become a member of the band.
In the movie industry, nobody wastes sex on anybody unless there is a part at stake.


Look closely at why they are hurting you

Remember that no one spanked you as a child while demanding that you be evil. They hurt you to make you good.


Jokes from a Who tour

Try to imagine Pete Townshend telling this.

A guy goes to his doctor, troubled by a lump that has emerged in the middle of his forehead.
The physician examines him and suggests that ” We observe it for a while to see what develops,” sending the man packing.
Two weeks later, the anxious fellow returns, now wearing a wide-brimmed hat to hide a much-grown mass.
Again the doctor does his measurements. After an hour or so, he asks him into his private office.
Sitting his patient down, he says,” Mr. Jenkins, there is no easy way to tell you, but it appears you are developing a penis on your forehead.”
Mr. Jenkins, at this news, jumps to his feet and begins pacing around the room. He finally asks in tears, “Doctor, do you have any idea how big it will get?”
The specialist considers and returns,” it should stop growing at around eight to ten inches.”
The man staggers back to his chair with his face in his hands.
He says, “I don’t know how I am going to live with this. I mean, how am I ever going to look at my face in the mirror again?”
The old and much sympathetic doctor takes his hands in his and says, “Well, I wouldn’t worry about that one, the balls will probably cover your eyes.”

Pin by Gretchen Hillstead on The Who in 2020 | Rock music ...

When it began

Every progressive idea in favor now was developed in my Columbia College dorm in 1969. On LSD.


Let us destroy the good

Is there a companion shame that we should be conscious of that laments the destruction of organizations like the Boy scouts, The Catholic Church, and the reputations of people accused of sexual acts conjured newly from the deep past? We live in a world that now honors people who ” Cast the first stone.”

Boy Scout 1

The Middle of Nebraska 1969

My first car was a used Buick Electra convertible. I bought it to travel across the country with my girlfriend, Edna, in the summer of my sophomore year in Columbia College.
It was the longest car ever manufactured in the United States at the time. I abandoned it, sandwiched between endless cornfields on a locust Nebraskan evening in 1969.
It continues to this day to be the only car in the Midwest acknowledged by a mailing address. Two families have lived in it since I gave it up.
I was a hippy then, and she was a gulping lovely Israeli from Barnard College who never fully embraced my car. She felt the automobile understated her worth.
She dumped me and my axle- broken ride on a turnpike gravel off-ramp and hitchhiked back east. I stole some raw corn and went in the other direction.
From then on, I sought vengeance on all of them. Not on the corn or the cars, on the girls.
Most stunning women, many of whom can otherwise barely sneeze without advice, reliably know the sticker price of any car on the road.
Precision machines are potent symbols of compatibility to a woman. I lived for this hunt. It did not occur to me until decades later that the only reason I worked at all was to buy expensive cars.
After I married, my dynamic of seduction had to be re-calibrated.
We moved to a small-town called Irvington in Ny to pretend we were raising our kids as average Americans.
We bought a Volvo station wagon.​ It is the most deceitful machine ever marketed. Breathtakingly fast, it draws in the skeptical​ new father who suspects his life is over while the woman knows that crash test dummies play Scrabble in it, during its collision tests.
My current car and I are growing old together and cooperate nicely with our predictable repair schedules. It takes me to doctors, and I take it to our mechanic on Main St.
Every once in a while, I sense a certain smugness from the car. As if it thinks it might outlast me.
Then that old hardness in me shows itself, and I suggest it might like a trip to Nebraska.


PUBLISHED: February 15, 2017
FILED UNDER: Unnoticed in Clever Worlds
PUBLISHED: February 15, 2019
FILED UNDER: Unnoticed in Clever Worlds

At your Service

The owner of a dry-cleaner, tells his old friend about the moral predicament he is in.

“I found $2,000 in a jacket dropped off this morning, and when the customer came back to get the money, I lied to him about finding it.”
“Well,” his buddy says, You need to give the man his money and ask his forgiveness.
The cleaner stares at him, “Return the money?

I can’t decide whether to share it with my partner.”


And So Was Gertie

Mr. and Mrs. Stotnum Powder,
renown for their synchronized postures
bumped their noses
against their curiously misleading
living space.
They could see all of the everywhere,
all of the time.
Stotnum waved at his uneaten food
turning to face Gertrude,
he bubbled, “That cat was staring at me.”
“At us, you mean, don’t you?”
Gertie shot back,
much annoyed by the exclusion.
“Yes, yes, of course, us,”
Stotnum was confused by his apology.
“His big eyes follow me, us,
he hates us.
Doesn’t he have friends?”
“The unfortunate thing has nothing to do “
It wants company.”
Gertrude thinks of others.
Of which there are none.
“Hard to be alone.”
She offers,
brushing against Stotnum
her back fin
slightly arched and suggesting,
“What would you do without me? “
“Maybe round worlds
made me stubborn,” he obliges lovingly.
The splash pushes them to the gravel floor.
The above cracks and splits open.
Both round mouths scream,
curiously synchronized and silent.
Stotnum sees the claws.
As quickly as it came, it was gone.
And so was Gertie.


In my experience the earlier you find someone to love forever, the shorter forever becomes.

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