Unnoticed in Clever Worlds

The clearest description I have managed so far about my blog is that it is not about cats. In general, I find predators pretty predictable while prey on the other-hand, because they live in universes of anxiety, develop more textured personalities. I also have as a writer a deft hand when it comes to making matters worse, so of course , the already panicky are ready made for me. I will try to grow this blog into an assortment of laughs, because that is what my life has mostly taught me to do. I will use the famous people I have known to get your attention and then tell you small but many times wonderful things about them. I will never name the ones I say ugly things about but I hope you will guess who they are.

Month: February, 2020

Entertainment sex

Music business sex and movie business sex are different at their cores.
Nobody fucks anybody in the music industry to become a member of the band.
In the movie industry, nobody wastes sex on anybody unless there is a part at stake.

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Look closely at why they are hurting you

Remember that no one spanked you as a child while demanding that you be evil. They hurt you to make you good.

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Jokes from a Who tour

Try to imagine Pete Townshend telling this.

A guy goes to his doctor, troubled by a lump that has emerged in the middle of his forehead.
The physician examines him and suggests that ” We observe it for a while to see what develops,” sending the man packing.
Two weeks later, the anxious fellow returns, now wearing a wide-brimmed hat to hide a much-grown mass.
Again the doctor does his measurements. After an hour or so, he asks him into his private office.
Sitting his patient down, he says,” Mr. Jenkins, there is no easy way to tell you, but it appears you are developing a penis on your forehead.”
Mr. Jenkins, at this news, jumps to his feet and begins pacing around the room. He finally asks in tears, “Doctor, do you have any idea how big it will get?”
The specialist considers and returns,” it should stop growing at around eight to ten inches.”
The man staggers back to his chair with his face in his hands.
He says, “I don’t know how I am going to live with this. I mean, how am I ever going to look at my face in the mirror again?”
The old and much sympathetic doctor takes his hands in his and says, “Well, I wouldn’t worry about that one, the balls will probably cover your eyes.”

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When it began

Every progressive idea in favor now was developed in my Columbia College dorm in 1969. On LSD.

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Let us destroy the good

Is there a companion shame that we should be conscious of that laments the destruction of organizations like the Boy scouts, The Catholic Church, and the reputations of people accused of sexual acts conjured newly from the deep past? We live in a world that now honors people who ” Cast the first stone.”

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The Middle of Nebraska 1969

My first car was a used Buick Electra convertible. I bought it to travel across the country with my girlfriend, Edna, in the summer of my sophomore year in college.
It was the longest car ever manufactured in the United States at the time. I abandoned it, sandwiched between endless cornfields on a locust Nebraskan evening in 1969.
It continues to this day to be the only car in the Midwest acknowledged by a mailing address. Two families have lived in it since I gave it up.
I was a hippy then, and she was a gulpingly lovely Israeli from Barnard College who never fully embraced my car. She felt the automobile understated her worth.
She dumped me and my axle- broken ride on a turnpike gravel off-ramp and hitchhiked back east. I stole some raw corn and went in the other direction.
From then on, I sought vengeance on all of them. Not on the corn or the cars, on the girls.
Most stunning women, many of whom can otherwise barely sneeze without advice, reliably know the sticker price of any car on the road.
Precision machines are potent symbols of compatibility to a woman. I lived for this hunt. It did not occur to me until decades later that the only reason I worked at all was to buy expensive cars.
After I married, my dynamic of seduction had to be re-calibrated.
We moved to a small-town called Irvington in Ny to pretend we were raising our kids as average Americans.
We bought a Volvo station wagon.​ It is the most deceitful machine ever marketed. Breathtakingly fast, it draws in the skeptical​ new father who suspects his life is over while the woman knows that crash test dummies play Scrabble in it, during its collision tests.
My current car and I are growing old together and cooperate nicely with our predictable repair schedules. It takes me to doctors, and I take it to our mechanic on Main St.
Every once in a while, I sense a certain smugness from the car. As if it thinks it might outlast me.
Then that old hardness in me shows itself, and I suggest it might like a trip to Nebraska.

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PUBLISHED: February 15, 2017
FILED UNDER: Unnoticed in Clever Worlds
PUBLISHED: February 15, 2019
FILED UNDER: Unnoticed in Clever Worlds

Orgies with The Who

I have witnessed orgies.
At their best, they can resemble finales in WWE wrestling matches.
The least known fact about these events is that they are rarely unplanned. To contrive an ideal one took some discipline and preparation.
They were seldom spontaneous and usually depended on three crucial building blocks.
During the show, our security scanned the audience for girls to invite backstage. I realize that bands today might be using drones to do this. I don’t know.
With The Who, modeling agencies in the big cities always got free tickets and backstage passes from the promoter weeks in advance.
But the pivotal ingredient of these ventures was, of course, the hookers.
Most whores were great Who fans. They were always around. Typically they were the most genuine people backstage, fun to talk to and not at all starstruck. They treated the shallow music industry hangers-on like reptiles and natural marks. Their favorite band member certainly was Keith Moon. Moon treated them like ladies. Never, ever severely.
Orgies, by the way, are not cheap, I know, because I always supplied the cash.
For the record, I never participated. To do so would have been outside my job description; besides, migrating perspiration is not my thing.
My first sex around others was in cars at Pittsburgh drive-in theaters in high school during the early sixties. You got further if you were in the backseat. That said, the front seat was dangerously exhibitionist and so thrilling and reputation building.
Mind you; sex was more in it’s “touching her bits” phase and nothing remotely full-blown, but I was only two or three feet from another couple during the action. Being a church-going Methodist at this time, it was nearly Roman.

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At your Service

Regis, the owner of a dry-cleaning store, tells his old friend about the wrenching moral predicament he is facing. “I found $2,000 in the pocket of a jacket dropped off this morning, and when the customer came back to get the money, I lied to him about finding it.”
“Well,” his friend says, ” I am ashamed of you, must give the man his money and beg his forgiveness.
Regis stares at him like he is nuts, “Return the money? Of course, I won’t return the money. I am asking you if I should share it with my partner.”

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And So Was Gertie

 

Mr. and Mrs. Stotnum Powder,
renown for their synchronized postures
bumped their noses
against their curiously misleading
living space.
They could see all of the everywhere,
all of the time.
Stotnum waved at his uneaten food
turning to face Gertrude,
he bubbled, “That cat was staring at me.”
“At us, you mean, don’t you?”
Gertie shot back,
much annoyed by the exclusion.
“Yes, yes, of course, us,”
Stotnum was confused by his apology.
“His big eyes follow me, us,
he hates us.
Doesn’t he have friends?”
“The unfortunate thing has nothing to do ”
It wants company.”
Gertrude thinks of others.
Of which there are none.
“Hard to be alone.”
She offers,
brushing against Stotnum
her back fin
slightly arched and suggesting,
“What would you do without me? ”
“Maybe round worlds
made me stubborn,” he obliges lovingly.
The splash pushes them to the gravel floor.
The above cracks and splits open.
Both round mouths scream,
curiously synchronized and silent.
Stotnum sees the claws.
As quickly as it came, it was gone.
And so was Gertie.

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A Little While

Being loved by you for a little while,
allows God some time-off.

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