I Just Wanted to Touch One, Anywhere

by Regis Boff

The mystery of how to attract love is a lifetime preoccupation for men. Women are rarely in the dark about this enterprise as the voyage of attaching themselves to the right man begins only minutes after exiting the womb.
No one ever tells boys about girls. I could spend hours on this subject, but it is complicated and inevitably gives rise to psychosocial insult, so expect I will gleefully throw myself into it at a later date, just not at the moment.
When I was little, guessing five to twelve maybe, I thought I could purchase the skills necessary by mail. I sent away for anything that might reveal an avenue to getting a girl. I was doing this long before knowing what “getting” a girl might even mean. I just wanted to touch one anywhere. Below is an advertisement I did answer. It didn’t work.

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