Teaching Rock Stars Math
Between shows, much of my time with The Who was spent reviewing each artist on their multiplication tables.
Unnoticed in Clever Worlds
The clearest description I have managed so far about my blog is that it is not about cats. In general, I find predators pretty predictable while prey on the other-hand, because they live in universes of anxiety, develop more textured personalities. I also have as a writer a deft hand when it comes to making matters worse, so of course , the already panicky are ready made for me. I will try to grow this blog into an assortment of laughs, because that is what my life has mostly taught me to do. I will use the famous people I have known to get your attention and then tell you small but many times wonderful things about them. I will never name the ones I say ugly things about but I hope you will guess who they are.
May 19, 2019
The Buddha Needs a Burger
The Buddha needed a burger.
He felt bad for wanting it, what with his having rejected the physical universe and all, but he was always the kid who ate when he was sad.
It was the run-in with that skinny little girl. She pointed at him in front of everyone during his levitation and screeched, “Momma, why is the Gautama Buddha so fat?
The teacher said “it is bad to be fat.”
“Fat, she thinks I’m fat?” he said, to his mind’s eye which was orbiting Neptune.
He cracked his flawless eyelids, and peeked at his huge stomach. As wisdom follows knowledge and perception displaces misery, he got hungry.
Reaching under his robe for ketchup, He drifted, with a big smile, back into Enlightenment.
PUBLISHED: May 19, 2017
FILED UNDER: Unnoticed in Clever Worlds
May 16, 2019
Men 0, Women 1.
I think God’s only tricky decision was just how to assemble women differently from men. It was here He found his masterstroke. He gave them birth. Regis Boff
May 16, 2019
I had my bag before he did. I bought a bunch at a Buddhist monastery in Thailand. I had a plan to market them here in the states. I didn’t need the money and thought it might be small of me to corrupt a major religion so I shitcanned the idea. The monks all carry the bags and keep a wooden bowl in them to beg with all day. Regis Boff
May 16, 2019
B.B. King
Between the years of 1972 and 1991, 78% of all rock shows used B.B. King as an opening act. I saw him perform at least 22% of those times because we used him as an opening act.
Nearly 99% of those audiences were white, and 99.95% of them were impatient to have him leave the stage to get to the headliner.
Only 45% of the headliners had ever heard of him, and the remainder adored him because they thought he made them look cool and because he came cheap.
B.B King would have played to a herd of sheep if he got paid and the sheep would have been the big winners. He was the greatest of all things. A happy man.
PUBLISHED: May 16, 2018
FILED UNDER: Unnoticed in Clever Worlds
May 10, 2019
The child who
The child to touch is the one
who won’t laugh.
The child to kiss is the one
who dreads it most.
The child to hug is the one
wrapped only in their arms.
The child to hold is
holding tight to you now.
May 10, 2019
But can they Shop?
You are not important. You are worth only as much as you have money to buy things. We are allowed our simple vanities as compensation for our product endorsements. It is infinitely more important that I drink Coke instead of Pepsi than it is whether I am Republican or Democrat. Apes can pull a ballot lever but can they shop? No!
May 10, 2019
George Clooney
“Without celebrity, Democracy has no point”; Oscar Wilde.
I find it out of the question not to believe everything that George Clooney says. This is because I am in love with him and this is what love always does to you. If you find something of paramount stupidity, and you put it in his mouth I will believe it. It is his due.
May 6, 2019
Shit
The most troublesome aspect of being an well educated writer is the real-time awareness that what you are producing is shit.
